I don't deal well with change. I'm convinced that this is one of the main reasons that I was probably overly attached to my pacifier until around age two. That was when my family took a trip to Dallas, and while we were out of the hotel room one day, my parents told me that the maid had "accidentally" thrown my pacifier away while we were gone. They conveniently never got me a new one. The sad part of this whole story is that I really believed it until only a couple of years ago, when my mom fessed up that they had in fact thrown my pacifier out. While I was heartbroken, it was probably for the best, or else it's very possible that I could still be walking around with a pacifier today.
Today, however, the changes that I am up against are bigger. Herschel and I are in the process of moving from Little Rock, Arkansas to just outside of Fort Pierce, Florida. He is actually already working in Florida, and I am here in Arkansas trying to get things ready for our permanent move.
At first there was so much going on in preparation for the move, cleaning the house, touching up paint, cleaning out closets, dusting everywhere, making sure the lighting was right for showing the house, etc. The list seemed endless. Until, it suddenly ended. Yes, I still have to keep the house clean, but it's primarily just maintenance. All of my big projects are finished. Now, comes the hardest part of all - having time to think, trying to process everything that's happening and about to happen in the coming weeks and months.
In theory, moving to Florida is exciting. It's an adventure. It's new. It's the beach! What's not to love, right? What I'm beginning to realize is that it's not so much about where we're going that's hard, as much as what we're leaving behind.
Not only is this our home, and where Herschel and I first met and got married, but this is where I grew up. Almost everything (and everyone) I've ever known is here. In addition, one of the things I think Herschel and I will miss the most is our church. We have come to fall in love with our church and our church family, and for that I think that we are exceedingly fortunate. We've been blessed with strong, approachable leadership, an abundance of unbelievable friends, and mentored by some of the strongest prayer warriors that I believe we'll ever know.
However, God promises good to us, although we might not always understand it. For example, we've been included in a group of friends from our church that has only seemed to grow and become stronger since we announced that we are moving. But I have to believe that there are even more friends waiting for us in Florida. And God knows every one of their names, where they live, their dog's name and the number of hairs on their head. He has many, many good things in store for us there, I am convinced of it, but that doesn't mean it will be easy.
Right now, as I already said, Herschel is working in Florida and I am here. We're in the midst of one of the many "not easy" parts of this transition. The being apart, the waiting, the uncertainty - it's all maddening. It's also easy for discouragement to sneak in. Friends and family help. Staying busy helps, too. Even spending time with our crazy little puppy, Oscar, helps.
But the truth is, it's not easy, and it's not going to be. There's really no way around that. But, in a lot of ways, I think I need this time to process everything that's going on. I've finally convinced myself that it's not worth not hanging out with people or not being a part of things just so that it might be easier when we say goodbye. What sort of an existence is that?
What I'm trying to focus on now is the fact, that we don't have to be overwhelmed by all of the details. There is Someone who already knows all of the answers and has all of the details worked out. God's timing is perfect, and we will get all of the answers we need exactly when we need them. So, while I might be going crazy that we got an offer on the house only to have the negotiation process take much longer than I would like, there's not enough kicking and screaming in the world that will make any difference. These are just little things I'm learning (and re-learning) while I wait.
So, whether it's saying good-bye to a pacifier, or to a lifetime of memories and friendships, it's not easy. But some things just have to be done in order to move on to better things and to grow and mature.
New baby in the house!
6 months ago