Dear Parents of Young Children,
Congrats! You're parents! I'm sure you're very excited about your little one's first Halloween. And, of course, they are adorable. It's great that you've found "the perfect" costume for your precious baby, but I have a little bit of news for you. As cute and cuddly as they are, you're not fooling anyone - we all know they can't quite have any candy yet. They don't even have that many (if any) teeth. So here's where my beef with you comes in. I'm absolutely fine with you dressing up your child, in fact, I encourage that - I would dress up my dog if he wouldn't try to eat his costume. I don't even mind you parading your baby around in his or her costume. If I had a baby and I dressed him or her up, I would definitely want the whole world to see and tell me how cute he or she is. And I will do that one day, so get your compliments ready. But where I have to disagree a bit, is actually getting a candy bucket for your little one and trick-or-treating for him or her. I mean, really?? That would be like me dressing up my dog, putting a bucket around his neck and then taking him door to door to collect candy. Everyone knows that I will not be feeding him the candy. It's a front. And I'm on to you. If you want some candy, make a little effort and come up with a costume for yourself. Here's a thought, you could even think of a costume that accompanies your little one. But don't try to kid yourself or anyone else. And if you show up at my door tonight, you're not getting any candy. Happy Halloween.
Thanks for your time.
Matthew Turns Four
6 months ago